Three Bean

Three Beans

James Moffitt

“You have to choose one of the three, they’re your only options.” The preacher said. The beans, over sized, lay on the desk. They all had an embroidered logo on their undersides, Christian Lifeguides Inc.

The woman looked perplexed, she was rotund, and breathed in a wheezing drawl. The hairs along her upper lip quivered as she looked over the choices, a dim grin on her face.

“Spite” “Adultery” “Love”. The beans shouted back at her red face, rimmed in greasy black hair.

“I don’t understand. Which is a sin?” Asked Bernice. “I don’t understand how it’s my fault, since the men want me. I’m merely an object of their desires.”

The father shuddered at the thought.

“Well, you know ‘Adultery’ is a sin.”

“Yes.”

“And you know ’spite’ is an insidious enemy in the face of the Lord.”

“I suppose.”

“Then who do you ‘Love’?”

“Jesus.”

The father marveled at the blankness of her stare and the way her lilac shirt clung to the piedmont of her fleshy stomach.

“But what about…the two men pursuing you?”

“I love my husband. But I have a fourth bean, possibility. He is a possibility that excites me. Howard never looks at me the way he does. He doesn’t touch me…”

“Okay!” said the priest, a little too eagerly, his blood rushing to his cheeks. The thought of her and her mates mustaches becoming intertwined into a kiss eternal was almost enough to send him into a riotous fit of laughter. “But why are you interested in the new man.? Is it love or an effort to gain Howard’s attention?”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that.” She paused, the ‘that’ from her mouth swirled around the humid room. She had a thick country drawl. The phone rang then.

“Hello” the priest said, so thankful to excuse himself from the awkward conversation.

“Father…” said a familiar male voice.

“Yes?”

“It’s Howard. I’ve met another woman and need to talk to you about Betty.”

The father blushed.